请高手帮忙批改作文 请不要客气 接受任何批评 谢谢大家！！！

fizza

Two of the most critical problems are air pollution and economy problems.
这是你自己预测的吗

majiamajia

I also doubt the truth of what you write!

swiss_yang

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. N& W0 G* b& ZAlmost half of the world's population live in cities nowadays and the living conditions for the local residents become worse as the cities expand. Two of the most critical problems are air pollution and economy problems.
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点评：
1：有的词用得太简单了，像get worse这是口语中用的，尽量避免在写文章时候用。
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% ]4 s) g- {7 j5 d2: 注意定冠词the的用法，像conditions 前面要加the ,特指cities的condtions

2 c8 h. ^: k* Z& y3 e3：likely ge worse中不要用likely,阐述中心思想时候，别用可能，或者等词汇。而且likely 是可能的几个词语中语气较轻的，那就说明你不肯定你的阐述观点。
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" L" b  s, u  W$ v8 q+ r4：楼主的中心思想我看不懂，conditions变坏，是什么conditions 啊，living conditions,还是    working conditions,等等。如果单看你说的是air pollution问题，那就是living condition,那你得说明白啊。就像你用中文说，现在北京条件变坏了，没人懂是什么条件。如果你说的是living conditions 变坏，那也不能和economy并列啊，这economy变坏是个大问题，不好阐述，而且感觉living condition 和economy没法并列。

swiss_yang

As we know, environmental problems in cities involve varies types of pollution, such as air pollution, noise pollution, water pollution, etc. In order to minimize the impact of pollution on the cities, various approaches should be introduced.
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2 t4 h4 e. v2 f, F1： contain是包含的意思（物理实体的包含，像是容器里包含XX）
6 j% W$ y* O5 f3 k5 {  D6 \2: 往下我实在改不下去了，语法倒是没什么，但是用词用的太不准确了。car 专指小汽车，应该用vehicle来代替（交通工具）。而且空气污染不是由于汽车，而是汽车的排放尾气（exhaust gas of vehicle）. 而且你写的东西的正确性我表示怀疑。
3： 太口语化： and so on 很少用于书面语，应该用etc代替。 At the meantime 用meanwhile代替。except that用additionally代替。
4：Cut down the cost of taking a public transpotation and improve the cost of driving a private car, the policies will let more and more people choose public transport.完全看不懂你要表达什么，百分百的中式英语。

swiss_yang

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* Y: q. h( K3 y3 b2 Q) @2 S4 D0 y3 J1 kAlmost half of the world’s populations live in cities nowadays and the cities expand continuously. Consequently, two of most critical problems are the climate change and economical regression.
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As we know, the climate change, which is characterized by the global warming, is mainly caused by the air pollution. In order to minimize the impact of air pollution on the climate change, different approaches should be introduced. The air pollution is caused by the exhaust gas from vehicle and power plant. In order to reduce the emission of the exhaust gas, a norm of exhaust gas with lower emission should be introduced. Furthermore, renewable energy, such as hydro, wind and solar energy, which are characterized by the lower exhaust gas emission or even emission free, should also be applied instead of conventional fossil energy in the power plant.

; ~6 p) M9 X' D! F- {' {Moreover, in order to keep local emission free, spatial development in cities should be improved. For instance, the industrial area should be located away from the residential areal as far as possible.
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+ d0 K5 s, B+ ~3 v  C3 d- v第一部分帮你该了，但是第二部分关于经济的问题，我有不同的看法，所以写不出来。

jasonwindy

In some industrial cities,  several factories are polluting air. The government should move these industries as far  away as possible from these cites,  just like what Beijing did before 2008 Olympic Games. It was a fruitful deed.
$ k1 o7 ?8 O6 x) _When it comes to economy, the crisis happening last year musst be mentioned. The whole world has to face the problems the crisis brought, such as  bankruption of companies, factories, increase of unemployment  etc. It is a tragedy for the economy of the whole world. Everyone has  responsibility to make contribution to the world economy. People should consume not exceedingly but reasonably. And don't waste precious resources . Last but not least, work hard.  then you will not regret for that.

swiss_yang

建议楼主还得多练习。除了第一段还有点英语的感觉，其它的全是中式英语。给楼主一下几点建议：
1：多读，培养英语感觉
  b1 y8 l/ e9 Z, b" |- `+ f2：用词一定要准确
* A$ ]7 D# a- f( i* K0 M3：尽量少用第一人称，像是 I think, i will say,可以用被动语态代替
* G( K- q% a) Z" \. M1 Y6 T8 N4 ~4：少用口语化的东西
5：注意英式英语和美式英语的区别（这个很重要），像是colour，和color， characterize和characterise
3 g" R; i$ h6 ?' ]/ L6：对于像对付考试的小短文可以用以下的模板：第一段：你要表达的中心思想，第二段：具体阐述你的观点，最后一段：总结

PS：此文在雅思考试中很难得到高分

羊小咩

LS的评的很详细。